The dishes started to pile high in the sink and spilled over onto the counter. The laundry became Mt. Everest and so did the piles of tissues, like an avalanche of white fluff on every surface and bed. My head was foggy and my vision, clouded. Lazy became mandatory instead of rarely optional.
We've been sick in this house, for oh, about 4 months. It started at the very beginning of November after a long stretch of health. We have had colds and ear infections, fevers and chills, stomach bugs and pink eye. I don't know if it's because of the "Snowpocalypse 2015" and the kids all being home and trapped in the house for a week and a day and then another day, but all the germs THAT HAD BEEN GIVEN NOTICE got together and formed a revolt. They did not want to go. The days sounded a lot like this: Cough, cough, cough cough cough... cough cough. Once I thought everyone was out of the woods, I caught a cold while recovering from the flu.
This is the way it is in a house with seven people. It's the reason I became a germophobe in the first place. It can take weeks and up to a month for sickness to make it's way through our house, once a bug decides to bite one of us. This time: MONTHS, guys. Would it be weird if I told you I am going a little crazy? Ok, I won't tell you then. BUT I AM.
In 2011, after a lovely Thanksgiving luncheon at Amaris's school, exactly 5 days later one of my twin girls vomited. Ok, no big deal. One time, no other incidents. 5 days after that, 3 of us were down and by down I mean we felt like we were dying. 5 days later, you get the picture, it spared NO ONE. And every day after that up until this, I have doused hand sanitizer on us all like it's life itself and I have silently freaked, every time someone coughed or mentioned belly aches. "Wash your hands!" comes out of my mouth almost as much as "I love you".
I have doled out the elderberry and the Emergen C. I drink apple cider vinegar.
I don't do the kombucha, crunchy Mama stuff but I do the healthy that doesn't taste like death, stuff. (My Mom and Dad think that the apple cider vinegar does indeed, taste like death).
We pray for health and most of the time, praise God, we really are healthy.
So this season has been the pits, but it hasn't killed me. And you wanna know what? I think God has been working on me in the midst of this.
I joke, but the phobia thing is not good. It can really hurt people when you are afraid for your children to get too close to them because your whole house might get sick. Fear is never a good thing. It is the opposite of faith and will only take you further down a path you don't want to go. I should know.
Crazy enough, I think being forced along a windy,treacherous road of feeling lousy and my babies feeling lousy, I lost the urge to wipe every surface and wash every piece of visible skin. Somewhere between the midnight ibuprofen doses and fever checks, I felt God whispering to me that He is still there even when we feel miserable. He is our Healer and the lifter of our heads.
I noticed a theme of letting go. We have already committed ourselves to paper plates due to our large family, but the dishes can still be CA-RAY-ZY. So it was hard to see them not getting done. It was hard to allow things in the house to become so disheveled because none of us felt good. But I learned that my home did not fall apart because Mommy wasn't able to do her normal.
It gave me more time for snuggling under soft, fleece blankets with my children. Our families showed up with soup and oranges and cake.
All the while, God was showing me that having no control is a good thing. He is still always in control.
Sometimes, when you are faced with your fears for long enough, God can use it to trust Him more. To let go of something you never had control over anyway.
So here goes. Not easy, but I am letting go.
Wanna let go with me? I know there is no way you want to do what I have been doing the last four months, because it's not fun. But let it go without the lesson. The alternative could be a whole lot of tissues.
#BetterNow,
Yours Truely
